When I got the news recently that a friend of mine had been diagnosed with cancer, I initially struggled with something to send her to ease her suffering. Her family is large and most of them had already sent the obvious things for someone going through chemo treatments–soft blankets, lotions, books, chapstick, loungewear. And then I remembered my own journey through the difficult time when my husband was sick and died, and remembered just how much it helped me to find gratitude in every day despite the horror my family was facing.
I kept a list of every single nice thing someone sent me or did for me, and I still look at that list today, more than eight years since he collapsed in the Madrid airport:
Flowers, dog sitting, bracelets, socks, a family tree necklace, help with my house, a scarf, a decorative plate, a towel, face products, spa gift cards, salads for lunch, replacing batteries in my watches, dog care and treats, pannetone, AV help, yardwork, decorating my Christmas tree, arranging for delivery of my desk, homemade cinnamon rolls, lunches delivered and out, Tattinger champagne for NYE with my kids, an angel of hope, massages, a book, dinners, flowers, grocery gift cards, baked goods, bubbly, coffee and cake, 
a lasagna dinner for my family’s traditional Christmas Eve dinner, Tibetan Mala beads, an angel, a reindeer platter, cheese, movies, a soft robe, cleaning up the dog poop in my yard, dog salve, a prayer shawl for cold hospital rooms, car help, yoga advice, pictures of my husband with friends, sympathy and support, financial help, dinners in and out, cookies, legal help, a table for me and friends at a charity event, facials, a stone that said #startbreathing, a dragonfly wind ornament, dog walking, meatballs, coffee almonds, soothing scents, serenity essential oil, a truffle oil set, health hero coins, a silver dragonfly necklace, plants, coffee cake, donations in my late husband’s name to his college wrestling team, a seeds of life tree, kind words, a spa bag, stuff for our dogs, so many dragonflies, books on grief and healing, a wood burning plaque, a friendship bear, wine, a photo book of my husband with some of his colleagues, and more friendship and love than I could have ever imagined or expected.
The reason I kept that list, and the reason I still look at it today, is that finding gratitude was one of the most important things that helped me through my grief, reminding me that despite my loss, I was so very fortunate to be loved by so many people. And so I sent my friend a gratitude journal to use during her treatment and recovery. I hope it’s every bit as healing for her as it was for me.
PS: I hope you’ll feel free to use ideas from that list when you need something for a friend going through a tough time.
